Episode 4 – Surviving a Second Loss

In this episode we are joined by blogger and author Susan Auerbach who lost her father to suicide in the 80s and her son Noah in 2013.

Unfortunately illness strikes again (!) so Lizzie has been unable to do any other features of the show this time such as news, resources, or happy moment of the week.

Show Notes:

The music in the podcast is Write My Name by Mega Beats.

Please get in touch and share your thoughts on the show. We always look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you for listening!

The next episode is coming in a few weeks.

In keeping with a Mother’s Day theme for March, our guest will be a wonderful woman called Lucy who lost her mum to suicide when she was a teenager. Lizzie and Lucy met up to chat about their experiences and the impact that losing a mum in childhood has had on the rest of their lives.


Lizzie’s Anniversaries

In Episode 3 Lizzie spoke about how the anniversaries of her mum’s death have been for her over time. Here you can find all of the blog posts she has written from years 1 – 6, and then year 12. Follow the page numbers at the bottom of the post to view each one.

Year 1 – January 2005 – Age 17

I can’t believe it’s been a year since she died. Do I feel any better? In some ways I do, the pain isn’t as raw anymore and I do feel like a normal human being again sometimes. But despite the nice phrase, time doesn’t heal that much.

I still feel hurt that she left me without even saying goodbye, and sometimes I still have “angry days” where I’m furious with mum for putting us all through this. One change I have noticed is that the hurt and anger have faded a bit, but that feeling of missing her seems to get worse with every day. I just miss her, I really miss her.

I’ve found the rejection caused by the suicide one of the toughest things to deal with in this bereavement. Why wasn’t I enough to keep her alive, why didn’t she want to stay alive for me?

One of the hardest things to accept with a mental illness and suicide is that even if you give them all the love and care in the world, you can’t make them better, and the happy endings that you dream for don’t always happen.

It still shocks me how it doesn’t really get any easier, and it makes me really mad. Why can’t it get any easier, why does grieving take so long!?

Most of the time I feel that even though mum took her life, she isn’t going to take mine, so I try to look forward now and focus on what’s ahead.


Me at sixth form aged 17/18.

Episode 2

In this episode we…

There’s been a change to the format – the bit on anniversaries will now be featured in the next episode in its own show. After that, we will have another show featuring an interview with a survivor of suicide loss.

Our guest this week is Cadi Lambert from Nottinghamshire, UK who lost her partner Bob to suicide in 2014.

You can find Cadi’s blogs at cadi2014.wordpress.com/ and anadventurousgirl.co.uk/about/ and follow her on Twitter at twitter.com/cadilambert.

The music in the podcast is by Mega Beats.

Thank you for listening!

The next episode is coming on 28th February.

Lizzie will discuss how the anniversaries of her mother’s death have been for her and share her own tips for getting through them.

Please get in touch and share your thoughts and tips on anniversaries if you’d like to contribute to the next show. You have until 26th February. Your comments can either be read out with your name attached or be kept anonymous. It’s up to you. I look forward to hearing from you!